Total Pageviews

Monday, December 11, 2017

An Important Step Toward a Committed FLR-DD

   Once my marriage ended I seemed to wander aimlessly for several months. While the marriage wasn't an FLR, the commitment seemed to focus me in ways that eluded me at this juncture. I have always lacked self-discipline and now that I was single I felt lost, lacking purpose and direction. I was acting out carelessly and dangerously. I had a lot of time on my hands and I didn't know what to do with it. While surfing the internet one night I came across the Nuwest-Leda site. It was years before when I lived in California where I was in a similar situation, I was out of control at that time hopping from bar to bar, club to club and adult boutique to adult boutique that I came across one adult boutique with video booths. I had never seen anything like it before and something caught my eye and drew me in immediately.

   At the entrance to the back room where the booths were was a video board listing all the features playing. There were several that jumped out at me. While they made me quite uncomfortable, I couldn't turn away from them. I had butterflies in my stomach, my heart pounded and my temples pulsed. Right there in front of me were images of men in various states of dress bent over the knees of fully clothed women getting spanked. I was catapulted back in time to my experiences with Miss J. Back then I thought I was the only man being spanked by a woman like there was something terribly wrong with me. There was no internet then and I had never seen or been to an adult bookstore in my life. But, there it was right before me eyes. I looked around nervously hoping no one had seen me looking at the video ads though I was almost certain everyone knew. I walked away from the board and browsed as if to cover my intentions. After 5 minutes or so I darted through the curtains to the video booths. I quickly slid a $20 bill into the change machine then ducked into a booth and closed and locked the door.

   The smell was sickening and I felt dirty. I wanted to run out of there and never look back but I couldn't. I had to see what those videos were about. I dumped several dollars in quarters into the coin slot then scrolled through the menu desperately trying to recall the titles I saw on that board. I found one and selected it. The movies play in a loop and when you choose one you begin viewing it wherever it is at the time. It started with a camera view from the top-front. A pretty lady was seated in a straight-backed chair in a 50's style one-piece dress, stockings and high heels. She had a young man across her knee in nothing but a pair of white cotton briefs like I was always made to wear for punishments. The underpants were at mid thigh and the lady was spanking him hard and fast with her bare hand. I panicked when it began because the sounds of the slaps and his cries were loud and there was no volume dial or button! Everyone was going to know what I was looking at in there! I quickly changed the channel till the sounds changed to loud moaning and screaming. I checked carefully at the cracks in the door to see if anyone was lurking outside then switched back to the spanking video.

    I couldn't believe my eyes as I watched that guys bare cheeks turning a bright red! This scene could very well have been me over Miss J's knee. It was all to familiar and it made me feel uneasy but I was mesmerized at the same time. I flipped the channel back and forth a few times. While my spankings often took place in a furnished living room or bedroom, this room was empty except for the straight-backed chair, an area rug, the lady and the man. It served to magnify the scene I was looking at on the distractions....a barely dressed man over a fully clothed ladies knee being soundly spanked! I noticed there was a large oval, wooden hairbrush on the floor just in front of the guys nose as she hand spanked him. She paused briefly and scolded him just like Miss J used to do to me. The lady told him what a naughty boy he had been and that she was going to give him the "spanking of his life"! She ordered him to hand her the wooden hairbrush and like I had always done, he complied immediately. I was so captivated by the scene in front of me that I totally forgot about my nervous fear of being found out.

   She laid the flat side of the hairbrush on his cheeks and warned him to stay in position then began to lift that hairbrush high over her head and swing it down hard on his bare wobbling cheeks over and over and over. The guy screamed and squealed and begged but she kept right on spanking. He squirmed and kicked and I felt as though I was looking in a mirror recounting the punishments I received over Miss J's lap years before. as that poor guys bottom got redder and redder and his howls got louder and louder I couldn't take it anymore and I got up and ran out of that place as fast as I could. A couple weeks later I found myself back there in a booth watching another guy get spanked in a similar fashion. I repeated that ritual for several months until my conscience became so tortured and I never returned.

   Stumbling across the Nuwest-Leda site was shocking to me....these were the same movies I had seen at the bookstore years before. I went through them all reading all the descriptions and staring at the images. My heart was pounding again but I knew I was alone. I followed links that led me to websites dealing with female led relationships and I combed through every detail. It was a sleepless night as the images and information swarmed through my head. One thought in-particular stuck with me.....those painful spankings I got from Miss J always seemed to ease my guilt....I always felt afterwards that there was a clean slate. Is this what I needed now I thought? For the next few months I was consumed by the idea, I spent a lot of time on the internet reading about it and watching clips. I'd lay in bed at night thinking back on and longing for my time with Miss J. I wished she was there now to straighten me out and put my life back on track.

    Soon I had begun dating Lisa. She was a nice girl and we seemed to enjoy each others company. We had been seeing each other for a few months and it was starting to get serious. I have the utmost respect for women and it never crossed my mind to press her for sex. I was courteous and gentlemanly in her presence. One Friday night we ended up back at my place watching movies. One thing led to another and we began making out on the sofa. Soon we were both breathing heavily and our kissing grew very passionate. I felt her hand on my erection as she squeezed it through my pants. I cupped her breasts and gently pinched her nipples. She began to unbuckle my belt and unsnap my jeans. I did the same to her. Soon we were naked making hot passionate love on the sofa. Our bodies shook together as we climaxed.

   Afterwards we cuddled naked in each others arms. She looked me straight in the eye and completely surprised me with a question I never saw coming. She asked if I had any fantasies. Immediately my mind went to spanking and I withdrew emotionally. Just the idea of it in her presence seemed to threaten my masculinity. I could never tell a woman about my obsession with female authority and punishment spankings! She sensed my uneasiness and pressed on. I denied having any fantasies so she asked if I had any fetishes. I couldn't believe my ears....was this woman really asking me these questions? Did she know something? I think my reaction was giving away the fact that I was hiding a deep secret and she was determined to find out what it was. I was determined to take my secret to the grave! Even though I craved that type of relationship in my mind when faced with sharing it with another human being (especially a woman) I found that it frightened me half to death. She wouldn't let up and kept pressing me for an answer.

   I told her that if I did have a fetish, I could never share it with her because she would run out the door and never come back. Deep down inside me I wanted to tell her but I couldn't. She tried to put me at ease by telling me her ex used to dress up like a woman. I was shocked by her admission and darted a look at her! She said he wanted her to use a strapon on him and she did so gladly. She said she actually liked it! My head was spinning now, maybe this was the right woman to share this with I thought? No, I couldn't! Well, maybe.....I looked at her and began to speak then stopped. She was looking me right in the eyes in a very comforting way. I told her that if I told her she would think I was some kind of freak. She laughed and asked if I had heard what she just told me......did I seriously think anything I could tell her would make her look at me like a freak? Next I found myself spilling my guts to her. To my utter surprise she didn't get up and run....she sat there listening very calmly. She didn't bust out laughing or chastise me verbally. She listened then took me in her arms in a very warm embrace and held me for a long while.

   We decided she should spend the night as it was late and neither of us wanted to get dressed. We moved to the bedroom and lay on the bed in a warm embrace. She hadn't said much since I told her my deep, dark secret and I was nervous. As we lay there she began to ask me questions about it. She confessed she had never done it before. I had some information about women taking control of their relationships that I had printed out from one of the websites and I pulled it out and gave it to her. She laid there for a few hours reading it. The next morning I took her home. We got together later that night as we normally would fact, we continued on for several weeks as if none of that ever happened. Neither of us brought it up.A few weeks later we went out with a few other couples to a local diner. We were all joking and laughing and I was trying my hardest to be funny. I poked some fun at least I though it was "fun" but it didn't appear her or anyone else though so. She sat there quietly and I could tell from her expression that she was not at all happy with me.

   I went to the bathroom in hopes that when I got back the whole awkward situation would have blown over. The men's room was down a long narrow hallway at the end. As I came out I ran smack dab into Lisa who was standing there blocking my way with a very angry look on her face. She backed me into the wall and leaned in close to me. In a stern voice I recognized from an earlier time in my life she told me to "pay the bill and go bring the car around, we were leaving." I looked at her face which ignited an old feeling in me that said I had better do as I am told. I wasn't sure if I was taking her home for the last time or not as I brought the car around. She was waiting on the steps and got in. I started driving and asked if I was taking her home? In that same stern voice she said to go to my place. We sat in silence for a good part of the ride. I finally got the courage to speak and began with a "look, Lisa, I didn't mean.........." I was cut off by her stern voice tell me to be quiet and keep driving....she had heard enough from me tonight and didn't care to hear my voice anymore!"

   I shut up and drove. As we pulled up to my place and I shut the car off she turned to me and said I was to go in the house, strip to my underwear and stand in the middle of the living room. "You want to be spanked? Trust me young are going to get spanked now get in that house!" My face flushed immediately as I nervously scurried to comply. Those old feeling I hadn't felt in so long came rushing over me. When I was in trouble with Miss J I knew it and I wanted to be anywhere else other than in front of her at those times. I was feeling that now. It seemed that I wanted it when I didn't have it but didn't want it when I did. I hate getting spanked! The pre-spanking trembles took a hold of me as I fumbled to get my clothes off. To make matter worse she sat in the chair in the living room watching me with her legs crossed and her hands folded in her lap. Her right leg bobbed up and down slowly as her stern expression burnt holes in me. I had piled my clothes in a ball on the floor beside me the turned to face her. I didn't know what to do so my instincts told me to stand in front of her with my hands at my sides like I had done so many times with Miss J.

   She sat there for what seemed like an eternity looking at me. I wanted to melt into the floor. I fidgeted slightly, shifting my weight from foot to foot. Finally she spoke, in a monotone voice she told me to pick my clothes up and fold them neatly and place them on the couch. I did as I was told and returned to my position standing in front of her. Again she made me wait perhaps enjoying the obvious anxiety I was displaying? She instructed me to go to my bedroom and bring her the long oval clothes brush sitting on my dresser. My eyes went wide at her command and I hesitated...."Now young man!". she growled. I scurried toward the bedroom and came back with the brush. I handed to her and assumed my previous position. She held the brush on her lap and again left me there for a few minutes as I sweated it out. I was told to go in the kitchen and get one of the chairs and bring it out to the living room. I didn't hesitate this time and returned in a timely fashion with the chair. I was instructed to place it in the middle of the room then to stand facing it.

   She got up slowly and casually walked to the chair and sat down. I was standing in front of her in nothing but my underpants and crew socks. I wanted to fold my hands in front of my growing erection but my previous training would not allow me to do it. My head was reeling from this sudden turn of events. I had thought she dismissed the idea after I spilled my guts to her a few weeks ago. It seemed quite apparent to me that I was in trouble at the moment, I didn't know how to stand or where to put my hands so I reverted to those old requirements Miss J had set forth. I stood up straight with my hands at my sides. I didn't speak until spoken to and I waited unsteadily for her next command. She began by saying that from what she gathered from what I had told her a few weeks ago and what she read in the article I gave her as well as what she had been able to piece together from her own internet research on the topic was that this "spanking thing" wasn't a form of sexual foreplay for me. She believed that I wanted it as a form of punishment for real or perceived misbehavior. She asked me if she was correct.....I struggled with my answer, I had never really given it serious thought but I think she hit the nail on the head and it caught me off guard.

   There is no doubt that what I craved was discipline even though I detested it when it was happening. I longed for the cleansing release it offered. Of course there was an element of sexuality to it but it wasn't a direct relation. I wanted to be held accountable, to pay a price for my actions and then be forgiven. She was growing agitated by my failure to answer her in a timely fashion and I could clearly see it. She sat upright in the chair, her long legs closed tightly together and the brush held on her lap in both hands. "Thomas?" She said in a stern tone suggesting that I answer her question. I instinctively replied with a "yes ma'am" that seemed to delight her. In fact, she intimated that she liked it and that I should continue to address her as such while I was being punished. Again I replied appropriately. She continued what seemed to be a scolding of sorts as well as her verbally figuring this out as she went. She told me that she had been doing some reading on the topic and that a punishment spanking was just that, a punishment. There was no sex involved (as she gazed at the erection pushing the front of my underpants out), there was no "safe words", I had no say in how, where or when a punishment spanking would take place. I sheepishly agreed respectfully.

   She went on to tell me that I had disrespected her and that I had done so in front of our friends. My words and behavior tonight were very hurtful to her. I apologized sincerely and began to try and explain that that isn't what I intended. I was told to be quiet and not to speak again unless I was instructed to. I could almost feel my male bravado deflate at the admonishment. She continued by telling me that after some thought and research she also felt that punishment spankings could be very helpful and therapeutic for both of by receiving them and her by administering them. She wanted to hear me say that I understood that if she were to embrace this need of mine that it would be under her terms, that if she felt a spanking was earned and deserved that I would not resist. She expected complete and total obedience and that she would determine the details of my punishments whether I liked them or not. I reluctantly agreed realizing that I was once again about to surrender complete control to a woman.

   She went on to explain that she fully intended to deliver a punishment spanking that was going to hurt immensely and that it would last as long as she felt was necessary. She said that when she was finished spanking me my bottom would be a very deep shade of red  and it would be very sore. My behavior warranted it and she intended to give it to me. She asked if I understood and agreed. I replied with a "yes ma'am". She reminded me that if we went forward with this this evening there was no turning back. I told her I understood. Very well she said, I want you to come over here and get across my knee, I'm going to give you the long hard spanking you deserve young man. I took the few steps toward her and bent over her knee. She rubbed her hand over the seat of my underpants as I looked back through the rungs of the chair at my trembling legs, my feet together and my toes on the floor. A familiar position I had not found myself in in a very long time.

   She grasped my waist with her left hand and rested the clothes brush across both quivering cheeks. She was done talking apparently. The first spank landed across both cheeks, it stung only mildly. She delivered about a dozen more with the same effect. She paused briefly perhaps gauging my reaction? She then delivered a few dozen more. They stung but nothing like I was used to. She again administered a few dozen more. They stung slightly more as my bottom began to get tender but they were nothing I couldn't tolerate. I felt her lay the brush in the small of my back and her fingers hook the elastic waistband of my underpants. The air was cool as it blew over my suddenly bared cheeks as she slid them down just below my bottom. She picked the brush up and began to spank my bare bottom steadily. The smacks seemed slightly harder and the sensation was definitely uncomfortable but I could sense that she was holding back afraid she would really hurt me.

   After several dozen smacks of the brush on my bare bottom she paused. She commented that I didn't seem to be reacting very much. She asked if I was feeling it. I told her I didn't think it was my place to tell her how to spank but she said it was my place if she asked me. She knew I was spanked regularly by Miss J, I told her about it that first night. I didn't want to open a can of worms by telling her she wasn't spanking hard enough, honestly, I didn't really want to get a punishment spanking. I knew I needed one, I knew I deserved one, I knew that this current spanking was not going to relieve the guilt I felt over having upset her so much but, my mind was telling me not to cop to any of that. On the other hand, I knew if we were going to do this then we had to do it right. If I didn't benefit from the spanking then what was the point? She was asking so hesitantly, I confessed that I was barely feeling it and that my past spankings were ten times more painful and effective.

   Apparently that's all she needed to hear. She regrouped then began to administer a blistering bare bottom brush spanking that had me howling, squealing, screeching, pleading, begging, kicking and squirming across her lap long before it was over. She left me draped over her knee for a minute or so while I gathered myself together then she instructed me to get up and go to the corner leaving my underpants down and my red, sore, well spanked bottom on display until she gave me permission to pull my underpants up and come out of the corner. She definitely made adjustments, my bottom was burning as I stood in the corner. She left me there fore a good twenty minutes at least then had me come lay over her knee again as she applied lotion to my very red and sore bottom. She asked if I thought the spanking was a sufficient one and she wanted me to be honest. I told her that once she got over the initial nervousness of administering her first spanking I thought she did quite well. She confessed that she enjoyed the power and control she felt and that once she really started spanking it made her wet. Of course her hands rubbing lotion on my bare bottom cheeks was getting me quite hard but she reminded me that punishment spankings would be kept separate and apart from sex.

   a few weeks later Lisa moved in with me and became "Miss Lisa and ma'am" and for about 9 months I found myself being led and guided by an ever improving disciplinarian. There were rules that I was expected to follow and common courtesies I was expected to adhere to and if I didn't, my bottom was bared and I was soundly spanked. She took to it as if it was natural and I've come to think it is. Women seem to have a natural maternal instinct and need to correct those they care about. She did her homework on the subject to and began to incorporate other methods of discipline into the relationship. In our discussions she found that I absolutely disliked having anything in my bottom so she decided that would be an effect form of additional punishment should my behavior warrant it. Of course as she browsed web sites on the topic she frequently came across sites that included anal discipline as well as spanking. Since anal play was her fetish she had no shortage or implements to insert in my bottom when she deemed necessary. She also found it useful to apply things like icy hot to the butt plugs and dildos as well as to just apply it to my hole during corner time.

   She also found that her ex husbands fetish was an effective punishment for me at times as well. I have no such attraction to dressing in women's clothing so it added greatly to the humiliation aspect if she were to make me wear "punishment panties" or other lingerie as part of a punishment. Of course there were several web sites she came across where that was a standard practice with some disciplinary women as well so that did not bode well for me. Her reasoning was that if she had to discipline me she might as well get some enjoyment out of it. Over that nine or ten months spankings were a common occurrence in our home. She embraced the role and held me accountable in a fair and just manner I must admit. With each passing day her spankings became more and more effective and she said that she was really coming to love being a disciplinarian. Unfortunately, she had some other personal problems that had nothing to do with our relationship but they were a huge roadblock in our remaining together. It is proof that just because you share an interest and belief in domestic discipline it doesn't mean the relationship will always work out, there are many other aspects to a successful and healthy relationship.

   Despite the fact that this relationship didn't work out, it was a very important step in my development and commitment to finding and living this type of life. I still had a lot of confusion and doubt but I no longer wished to bury my desires, I wanted to examine what drove me to it. I really dislike the spankings, they hurt bad and I don't like pain but I see the importance and benefit of them in this lifestyle. They are very cleansing and therapeutic and they go a long way to establishing and maintaining her authority so, in that regard, I do believe that spankings should be memorable and painful if they are going to be effective tools in correcting unacceptable behavior and submission to her. I know that I am very attracted to female authority, I find it very sexy and that is where my commitment to FLR-DD originates, all the other benefits are a bonus! I never had any pictures or videos of my time with Miss Lisa but I would like to offer some visual examples of the type of spankings I receive. The pictures and vid clips in this post are Miss Sadie. I will go into a little more detail about her in some future posts but I will say that she is a very formidable disciplinarian as you can clearly see. She is a no-nonsense lady that administers very sound spankings when necessary

   The pics and clips here are from her visit to PA that I wrote about in this previous post.......


A New Beginning

    It's been quite a while since I have written a blog post. That's not to suggest that nothing has been happening on the FLR front for me.....quite the opposite actually. I was overwhelmed by how many of you followed my last blog which had a very long and successful run here at blogger before it was suddenly deleted without warning, explanation or reason? That kind of put a damper on things for me, a lot of long hours and hard work went into that blog to have it deleted for no apparent reason by Google? It had become quite popular and I enjoyed sharing my journey with you all. At the time of it's demise I was growing more comfortable with the role of a male submissive and embracing the idea of pursuing a relationship with a dominant, authoritative and disciplinary woman.

   Through the blog I had made many contacts, several of which were women that were currently an authority figure and disciplinary figure in their own marriages and relationships. Those associations along with the many private conversations we had were invaluable to me during that evolution. As some of you may recall, I was uncertain and apprehensive about pursuing the role of a disciplined husband/partner. In fact, I was thoroughly confused about my desire to even consider it. I absolutely detest being taken across a lady's knee and soundly spanked yet I was earnestly drawn to a relationship that included that possibility. It was mind-boggling to me but I couldn't deny that I needed it and wanted it very much.

    The ladies I had the honor of talking to about it were extremely helpful in solving the mystery and trepidation I felt about taking the plunge and following those strong feelings and desires. I am eternally grateful to each and every one of you that took the time to reach out to me and discuss this thing so openly. It has led me to where I am today which I will share with you all in this post. It was obvious as that former blog progressed that I was becoming more and more comfortable with the role of a submissive male and embracing the idea of pursuing it. Some of the ladies that reached out to me then were single and equally interested in such a relationship and I was very fortunate to meet a few of them. That was a valuable experience as well as it became apparent quickly that there is much more to an FLR relationship than just a mutual desire to have one.

   Like any relationship there are many elements to consider in forging an intimate and healthy relationship. In many ways it makes framing a healthy FLR even harder than a vanilla relationship in that not only must both parties be compatible in the everyday facets of an intimate relationship (which is hard enough) they must also harmonious in the many complexities of a Female Led Relationship. There is a strong level of trust that must be met on both sides when it comes to accepting the large responsibility of leadership and correction not to mention the submission to that authority.

   As the former blog was fading into the sunset I was fortunate and thrilled to meet with several ladies that shared my interest in FLR's. Not surprisingly they were of high moral character each and every one. They all commanded respect which was obvious before we ever laid eyes on each other but there were differences of opinion on various aspects of a relationship whether it was related to the structure of an FLR, the administration of domestic discipline or everyday interests which help to forge that bond that is essential in a healthy relationship. In some cases it was simply location.

   I already had experience with living under the authority of a dominant woman as well as with the reception of physical consequences should I not meet such a ladies expectations so I wasn't entering into this prospect blindly. I was also aware that there are many different schools of thought on the topic of Female Led Relationships and how it should be executed. In most cases those schools of thought can be quite indomitable and unflexible. The same can be said about the administration of discipline. I was quite certain that I did not want to be made to feel inferior or inhuman for lack of a better term. I had no desire to be a slave or to be degraded in any way and I feel strongly that there is a huge difference between humility and degradation. I feel no ill-will toward other axioms but I know what feels right for me.

   I knew that I was not looking to fulfill a sexual fantasy, I wanted my lady to be of strong character. Strict and stern when necessary but not naggy or bitchy. I wanted her to be fair but serious in her role as a disciplinarian. I wanted her to set expectations for me high and consequences severe and I wanted her to be capable of enforcing her rules without hesitation or reluctance. I was positive that I wanted our relationship to be normal in almost every regard with the exception of rules and discipline and there I wanted it to be decidedly domestic in nature. No leather, no chains, no whips and no cages. I wanted a female authoritarian not a mistress or dominatrix....that isn't my thing.

   Obviously there is a level of sexuality to it all, it wouldn't be an intimate relationship if there wasn't but when it came to the day to day implementation of our FLR I wanted it divorced from sex. If I broke a rule I wanted her to take that seriously and administer a punishment in a no-nonsense fashion. As I've stated, I detest being spanked but if I've done something to earn one then I want it to be administered should be painful and once it has been delivered I want it to be such that I don't wish to experience it again. In other words, I am not looking for a foreplay spanking. I want to experience real correction to unacceptable behavior and a punishment spanking should inspire me to improve myself for her and others around me. The punishment should fit the crime!

   My desire is not to be spanked but to be held accountable and in that sense I want to trust her to decide what, where and how I am punished whether I like it or not. I want her to be the final decision maker but I want her to consider my opinions and well-being in her decisions. I want her to hold me to a standard that is good for me personally, her and I collectively and those around us. I lack self-discipline, this I know. It isn't rational to think that any woman can perform this role or that any woman would want to and that is why finding a partner with which we can have a healthy and successful relationship with is not so easy.

   Entering into a relationship like this requires both of us to make a serious and strong commitment. It is a commitment to each other as well as to our individual roles. For my part I must commit to surrendering any control I have to her. I must commit to respecting her as a woman and as an authority figure. I must commit to accepting her rules and her punishments without resistance. Obviously her commitment must be to accept control and authority over me. A commitment to respect me as a man and her partner. A commitment to the responsibility of a disciplinarian and a commitment to the construction of fair rules and fair punishments.

   Granted, in this instance it is important that we agree on the dynamics of the Female authority and punishment aspects of the relationship but I believe it is also important to share interests and life goals otherwise (like any vanilla relationship) we are bound to fail. With that the case it is no accident that one of the first activities I engaged in with the ladies I met (after a meal of course) was an over the knee, bare bottom spanking. I understand that these ladies reason for that were that they wanted to see how serious I was and if I could actually submit to a sound spanking. Each one of them certainly administered a sound spanking to be sure. I knew once I was given permission to get up off her lap that I had been spanked. That was an important matter for me as well. I wanted to be sure that should she need to correct my behavior that she'd be willing and able to give me an actual punishment spanking that would get my attention. I can tell you that none of them let me down in that regard.

   Unfortunately while these women were capable disciplinarians, they were not good matches for me. One lady believed in the use of diaper punishment, while I understand the thought process behind it for her as well as those that wish to receive such punishment, I am not comfortable with it at all. A few others it was a matter of location and not being able to relocate to my area or me to theirs. An other lady just wasn't a good match in other areas that had nothing to do with authority or correction. I have the utmost respect for each of them and as I have found over the years, an sound over the knee spanking produces a special bound between the parties like nothing else. If I were just looking for a disciplinarian any one of those ladies would've been excellent choices but there is more to it for me.

   That brings me to my current situation. I have met a lady that checks all the boxes and we have been cultivating an FLR for the past few years. At first, distance was an issue but I travel the country for work and I found myself in her area frequently. Also, I was able to bring her to my area on several occasions and we took several extended vacations together. More recently, she has moved to my area and we now live together. Our situation isn't yet ideal but it soon will be and we will be living a true FLR 24/7. We both see the benefit of sharing our experiences with others who currently live this lifestyle or those that wish to so our plan is to use this blog to document our journey with it's successes, difficulties, challenges and solutions. My next post will share how we met and how we progressed to our current arrangement. It is both our hopes that you will join us here and find our story helpful and educational.

Sunday, December 10, 2017

Is She For Real?

   At the height of my former blog's popularity I was in a bit of a professional quandary. In fact, when I began writing it I had just been laid off (2009) and was in a financial and emotional tailspin. Four years before I got divorced and a year before I lost my son. I was a train wreck. Perhaps my emotional state and financial fears intensified the strong desire to be under the care and guidance of a strong woman? This underlying need in me to submit to such a woman's management may have very well offered some sort of subconscious security? Whatever the cause or reason I seemed obsessed with figuring it out. In truth, I craved it while still married but it wasn't in her DNA and our marriage became unfulfilling. I knew that my need to be held accountable was at least in part responsible for the growing unhappiness....I was trying to be someone I wasn't.

   Suddenly having a lot of time on my hands allowed my mind to haunt me. It was a long time since I was unemployed and the job market at the time was horrific. I could allow the prospect of crashing and burning drive me crazy or I could turn my thoughts to something less dreadful. I've found that the latter is usually the best course of action whenever there are problems out of my control. This situation proved to be no different, I focused on something I did have some control over and my professional and financial situation corrected itself pretty much. I had carried this strong need to serve an authoritative woman for most of my adult life but I never allowed myself to admit it or give it any thought so this was a perfect opportunity to confront it once and for all.

   The blog was an invaluable tool in doing just that. I was never comfortable viewing myself as a man who would surrender control to a woman. I grew up in a time when society shunned such ideas. I had a fascination with spanking from an early age but I always fantasized that I was the spanker and I never thought of it in relationship terms. I approached the blog like one would a diary I suppose? I was naive in thinking that nobody would ever see it. Blogs were just hitting the scene at the time and I thought that rather than write my thoughts and feelings down and store them on my hardrive where someone might find them, I could write it in cyber-space under an assumed name that couldn't be tied back to me......I was scared to death that someone would find out I wanted to be taken across a woman's knee to have my bare bottom spanked long and hard!

   As a young adult I met a dominant lady and that was my first taste of submission. That relationship (I believe) formed my ideas concerning Female Led Relationships and Domestic Discipline. She was an older woman with a strong personality. She knew what she wanted and confidently went after it. Almost from the beginning I felt subservient to her although it was not a prearranged dynamic, it's just the way she was. I was young and immature but we were obviously very attracted to each other and rather than kick me to the curb over my often childish and irresponsible behavior, she chose to try and correct it. A few months into that relationship I found myself draped over her knee as she sat in a straight-backed chair, my white cotton briefs around my ankles as she administered  my very first adult spanking on my bare bottom. She was definitely a no-nonsense woman and the spanking was traumatic in that she her wooden hairbrush smacked my defenseless bare bottom cheeks in sharp, rapid swats that stung like nothing I ever felt before. It was a very traditional and maternal type of spanking and I soon learned that almost every spanking she administered would be just like that.

   I hated those spankings when I was getting them and the prospect of someone hearing them or my friends finding out was terrifying. In my younger days if I didn't like something I would banish it from my mind as if it never happened and that's how I dealt with those punishment spankings but unbeknownst to me at the time, I needed them. In fact, they may have been the only thing that kept me from self-destructing back then as I was a wild child. She was able to reel me in and keep me in check somewhat with her guidance and correction. The embarrassment I experienced from those discipline spankings was strong. I was instinctively afraid to disobey her commands when I was in trouble. When I was to be punished her demeanor became very stern and she would direct me to strip to my underpants while she placed a chair in the vicinity of where I was disrobing and retrieved her nasty wooden hairbrush. I was always required to stand to her right side as she sat in the chair with my hands folded behind my head. I would be scolded and lectured like a child, my face would be a deep shade of red with shame, my knees would tremble and I wanted in the worst way to disappear.

   Once she verbally chastised me she would place the wooden hairbrush on her lap and yank my underpants down to my ankles, flip me across her lap and begin the rapid fire swats of a very sound hairbrush spanking, There was no breaks in her cadence as the room filled with echoing cracks of wood on flesh and my yelps, screams and cries. My legs would kick like an Olympic swimmer and my bare bottom would wiggle on her lap but the hard smacks of the wooden hairbrush would fall over and over and over until she had blistered my wobbling cheeks. I would pray for it to end almost as soon as it started and I tried my hardest day in and day out to avoid a trip over her knee. The humiliation of being draped over her knee with my underpants bunched around my ankles and being soundly spanked like a naughty little boy was reprehensible but I couldn't seem to bring myself to leave the arrangement. Once the spanking was over I was told to stand and leaving my underpants around my ankles I was to shuffle to the corner and stand facing the wall with my hands folded back behind my head for as long as she deemed necessary.

   I adored that woman but I was almost relieved when she moved out west to be closer to her family. My need for that discipline was entrenched in me even though I buried those desires deep down inside until I lost sight of them. They were still driving and controlling me but I was oblivious. Blogging brought it back to the surface and helped me confront and understand the need for it as well as accept it as part of who I am. The blog was shut down about the time my professional life was getting back on track. I had met Miss Sadie through the blog and in a strange turn of events she was able to come east and spend a week with me. I felt as though I knew her my whole life before she even got here as we spent many of nights chatting till the sun came up. I picked her up at the airport and we talked the whole ride home like we were the best of friends. As we approached my house her demeanor changed in a frightening way, she brought up some things I had said to her in jest as well as a few behaviors I admitted to when I didn't think there was ever a chance of us meeting. I had forgotten about them but she hadn't!

   As we pulled into the driveway I was "instructed" to get her bags out of the trunk, bring them into the house then go directly to the bedroom, strip to my underpants and wait in the corner for her. I knew her bags were to go to the master bedroom and I was to go to the extra bedroom for my punishment, we had talked about that being the "ritual" if we were to ever turn our discussions into reality. For the first time in a very long time I found myself facing a corner in nothing but my underpants waiting to be spanked. The skittish feelings of anticipation I remembered from all those years ago came rushing back in the blink of an eye. My knees trembled as I stood there listening carefully for any sign of her approach. My heart beat fast and my bottom cheeks tingled in anticipation of the sting of a spanking. My head whirled with the knowledge that I was about to get a punishment spanking. Although I still wore my white cotton underpants I felt more naked than if I didn't have them on at all. I felt juvenile in nothing but the tight white cotton briefs that I was certain were going to be pulled down.

   She entered the room and the hair on the back of my neck stood and chills ran up and down my spine. I didn't dare turn around knowing already that that was not allowed. I heard her preparing and the anticipation was killing me. Soon I felt a tug on my ear lobe, she had it pinched between her thumb and forefinger and she tugged me by it to the chair she had placed at the foot of the bed. I suddenly felt very naughty and deserving of punishment. My heart began to pound harder as I spotted the large, round wooden brush on the seat of the chair. She stood me to the right side of the chair, scooped up the brush and sat down. She held the brush in her hand twirling it casually as she looked at me in silence. My knees were really trembling now. I was praying that I could maintain my composure once the spanking began. I was embarrassed enough as it was I didn't want to add the shame of balling like a baby from the spanking. It was almost surreal at that moment. It was apparent I was about to get a spanking for real offenses but at the same time I thought it wouldn't happen for some reason? It couldn't be happening I thought.

   After a very awkward period of silence she began to lecture me about my behavior. She questioned me as well which I despise, I hate admitting I was "bad" and deserve to be punished....I always hated that the most. She then scolded me for a few minutes making sure I understood how disappointed she was in my behavior and how determined she was to administer a proper spanking for it. She took me by the wrist and pulled me toward her until I fell forward across her capable strong lap. I hadn't felt so vulnerable in a very long time as I felt her rest her firm hand on my cotton covered bottom cheek. The heat of her hand was intense and my bottom cheeks began to quiver. In a very stern voice she let me know how "naughty" I was and that naughty boys get put across her knee and spanked long and hard until they can't sit down comfortably for a week. She warned me to stay in position until I was given permission to get up and to keep my hands and feet out of the way or she would spank me longer and harder. I had earned a good sound spanking and I was now about to get one. I was also instructed to address her as "Ma'am" when I was being punished and not to forget it. I replied appropriately and waited nervously.

   The spanking began on the seat of my underpants with her firm hand although I was certain it was the brush her hand was that hard. The spanks were steady but measured alternating from cheek to cheek. I was in a state of shock from the first spank and it wasn't until the forth spank landed that I realized how bad my bottom was stinging. She spaced the swats about a second apart but they were hard and the crack of her hand on my bottom was loud. It was all coming back to me in a rush of apprehensive trepidation. This was only the third serious disciplinarian whose knee I had been across but I couldn't help but notice how similar yet different their spanking styles were. Miss Sadie began at a slower pace but the spanks were hard and the rhythm slowly increased as she spanked. Soon the spanks were falling fast and hard and I couldn't help but clinch my cheeks in a futile effort to lessen the pain. She paused a couple times just long enough to tell me to unclinch them before returning to hard, fast hand spanks that had my poor upturned bottom on fire in a short period of time.

   The familiar sound of smacks and cries echoing off the walls of the bedroom suddenly became apparent to me as I began to kick my legs and beg her to stop spanking me. My less than masculine pleas fell on deaf ears as I felt the force of the spanks increase before they suddenly stopped. I felt a blast of cool air wash over my burning cheeks as my underpants were yanked down roughly just below my reddening bottom. I began to plead with her not to pull them down but they my bottom was already bare and the hard spanks were falling again. The echoing sounds changed dramatically as the muffling effects of my underpants were no longer a factor. Bare flesh slapping bare flesh filled the room as panic set in.What was I thinking when I sought this out and pursued it so feverishly. She was very strong and I couldn't have gotten away from her if I wanted to. She spanked my bare bottom with her hand for a couple minutes before she stopped and picked up the brush. She placed the hard cold surface against my hot cheeks and lightly tapped them as she warned me to stay over her knee.

   This is going to hurt bad she said but I deserve every single spank....didn't I? she asked. I betrayed myself as I replied with a "yes ma'am" and the most painful spanking I had felt in a long time began. I squirmed over her knee but the hairbrush spanks stung my bouncing cheeks again and again. I could help myself and I clinched my cheeks together as tight as I could. She was in a steady pace and never stopped to admonish me for it, she just continued to deliver hard and fast spanks to my helpless bare bottom as I began to sob and beg her to stop. I apologized profusely and promised to be good from now on but I was going to get every single spank she felt I deserved and that was a few more dozen.

   I'm not sure when the spanking ended but when I regained some composure I realized I was draped over her knee sobbing as she rest her forearms across the small of my back and waited for me to calm down a bit. I lay over her knee with my bare red cheeks pointing up high until I was sniveling. In a very calm and confident voice she began to lecture me again. This is what happens to naughty little boys that don't know how to behave. If I knew what was good for me and if I wished to avoid a similar bare bottom spanking in the future than I had better learn to behave myself in a that understood? I was asked. I managed to get an audible "yes ma'am" out. I felt her inspecting my well spanked bare bottom and prayed she would be satisfied. I was mortified at the mental image of being draped over her knee in nothing but a pair of lowered underpants with a deep red set of bare bottom cheeks on display. I was ashamed at having lost composure and being brought to tears like a bad little boy.

   I was instructed to get off her lap and to leave my underpants down and go to the corner with my hands at my side and think about my behavior and the consequences until she told me I could pull my pants up and get dressed and she had better not catch me rubbing my sore, stinging cheeks or I would find myself right back over her knee. I replied quickly with a submissive "yes ma'am" as I hurried to the corner afraid I might upset her if I didn't. All I could seem to think about once I was in the corner was how ridiculous and juvenile I must have looked getting spanked over her knee with my underpants down even though I was told to reflect on my behavior as well. My bottom was stinging something terrible and I could feel the heat emanating from my glowing globes as I did my best to stand still and fight the overwhelming urge to reach back and rub the intense sting from my well spanked cheeks.

   I knew she was sitting behind me watching which made my humiliating embarrassment all that much worse. I stood there for at least 20 minutes before she once again began to lecture me. She remarked how red my bottom was and how painful it looked. She asked if it was worth it and if I now understood what happens if I misbehave. I answered appropriately. She remarked that it can't feel very good for a grown man to be put across a ladies knee and have his bare bottom spanked with a hairbrush until it was a deep shade of red could it? I replied with a "no ma'am". She said that my behavior warranted  an over the knee bare bottom spanking and that that is exactly what I will  get every time I act that way. She then gave me permission to pull my underpants up and to get dressed.

   I was so ashamed that I couldn't look her in the eye for an hour or two afterwards but I had a very strong appreciation of her that continued to build with every passing moment. Later that day I realized that I felt a strong affection toward her and I knew that while I absolutely hated that spanking I was certain that I wanted a woman who would not hesitate to administer one to me in my daily life. As the hours passed I felt more and more at ease and comfortable being with her. At dinner she asked me about a few other things I had admitted to her that I had forgotten about. She asked in such a calm and pleasant voice that I attempted to laugh them off. I saw her expression change in reaction to my attitude and I lowered my gaze. She commented that I won't think it's very funny later that night when we discuss the matter!

   As you can see in the clip below, Miss Sadie is a no-nonsense spanker and if you ever find yourself unlucky enough to be bare-bottomed across her knee you will certainly be sorry in a very short period of time. This clip is from one of the spankings I received from her during the week mentioned above.


Saturday, January 10, 2015

When He Needs To Be Punished...

    The problem with taking long breaks from blogging is that you lose your momentum. In the original variant of this blog, I had an almost seamless flow in my posts. Of course, we all know (or at least those readers that followed the old blog) that blogger felt it necessary to delete that very successful blog which required a lot of time and very hard work on my part to get it where it was for no apparent reason or explanation? It makes me wonder how they might react to an assault to their own freedom of speech and expression? Mind boggling!

   This new version of the blog has not seen the same level of concentrated presentation of this man's journey into the world of Female Led Relationships involving Domestic Discipline so with that in mind I formally apologize if I have repeated certain events in my various posts. I will try to remedy that going forward. By the way, "forward" is a promise! I will continue to blog about this quest of mine for as long as it lasts even if that means continually creating new blogs over and over and over!


   Before I move on to the actual details of this post, I would like to inform my fellow bloggers that have been so kind as to link to my blog......many of you have outdated links for Ma'am Yes Ma'am on your pages. I briefly tried a wordpress version of this blog immediately following it's original demise however, I found that wordpress did not offer the editing tools that allowed the quality content so many of my readers had become accustomed to so I scrapped that blog and begrudgingly decided to begin here at blogger once again. This particular domain was a blog I started in order to offer interested readers the opportunity to purchase the custom, handmade, hardwood paddles I was producing a few years ago without taking up space on the main blog. I simply redesigned it to look more like the original blog and I am slowly adding to the content in order to get it back where it was. That said, the proper link for this page is:   If you could update your blog rolls to reflect this link I would greatly appreciate it. :)

Now, on to the topic of this post.....


    I am certain that my future holds a full-time Female Led Relationship incorporating Domestic Discipline, it is inevitable. My current job requires that I travel North America (US, Canada & Mexico) extensively. I am on the road at least 90% of the time which is the main roadblock in such a relationship becoming a reality. I am compensated quite handsomely in both money and perks for my efforts but, it requires a special kind of lady to commit to a man who is gone for extended periods of time. It also requires a few other adjustments that can be difficult to arrange such as geographic. Over the past few years there have been a few ladies I have met and admire greatly who would more than fit the bill as far as a (much needed) female authority figure in my life. This is not an insignificant development as finding someone that meshes with your own personal outlook can be very difficult if not impossible. With me calling the East Coast home and each of them residing in the mid-west, relocation becomes an issue.



    I personally don't view "spanking" as a sexual form of foreplay as it's primary purpose in a relationship. I believe it has very definite positive influences on a relationship when it is used as a corrective measure against unwanted attitudes and behaviors that are synonymous with the breakup of domestic partnerships. I further believe that a woman is better equipped to identify said attitudes and behaviors as well as correct them. That is not to say that domestic discipline in a female led relationship is some sort of miracle remedy without failure....there are many obstacles a couple faces i their daily lives together and there are many factors that need to be considered. Obviously some very basic truths regarding attraction must be met and this can involve many factors such as common interests, goals and values to name just a few. My point is that spanking, used as discipline (or punishment if you will) can effectively remove many of the destructive problems that cause the disintegration of so many marriages. Problems such as festering resentment, misunderstanding, disappointment, anger, frustration and communication can be eliminated through a mutually agreeable, structured arrangement.


    Of course there will always be a sexual connotation involved as there always is in female/male associations. But a structured system of authority within the household places a more serious approach and attitude toward it which is essential if it is going to be an effective tool. There are ways to remove sexuality from the administration of corrective punishment such as "milking" prior to a discipline spanking. The method in which the spanking is administered also differentiates the difference between a punishment and a sexual encounter....if the wife is fully dressed and conducted herself in a stern, business like manner toward her partially dressed or naked husband, his sexual arousal  will quickly fade especially if the spanks are delivered sharply and briskly and he is constantly reminded that she is not amused or pleased with his behavior. Once the punishment has been administered, a "timeout" period (whether that be standing in a corner or assuming any other position or task she decides upon) with no sexual contact afterwards clearly defines the fact that he has just been punished.


   There is no doubt that spanking can be a very erotic and arousing method of foreplay between a man and a woman and there are many couples that engage in it but the differences between this and punishment are stark and unmistakable. Sexual spanking generally involves sensual touching, stroking, kissing, sucking and gentle, intimate caressing. The spanks (which may be hard) usually build in intensity and while they may very well end in a flurry of hard, rapid spanks resulting in a very red and sore bottom, the sexual arousal has also been increased. Both parties are either naked or very scantily dressed from the outset and there is never any doubt that this is a sexual encounter as opposed to a serious punishment.


    If the man is anything like me, he may very well become aroused before and after a punishment spanking which often leads to the mistaken belief that the punishment is ineffective because "he likes it"! Nothing could be further from the truth. The source of my arousal before a punishment spanking is different than my arousal prior to (during and after) a sexual spanking. I happen to find female authority to be extremely sexy. The calmer and more business like she is while assuming the role of disciplinarian, the more sexy I find it. It should be noted that even though I am erect at this stage, I am also feeling a high level of humility and embarrassment.....I know from the circumstances that this is a serious, disciplinary situation and my erection is very inappropriate. I also know that the spanks are going to be hard and that they are going to hurt and I "do not" like that one bit. My erection always fades during the actual spanking. When I am doing my penence in the corner or draped over a stool or sofa arm with my bare, red, swollen, sore, well spanked bottom on display afterwards, the erection almost always returns but it returns against my will and resisting it, no matter how strenuously, prove futile. The source here is because I feel a very strong and overwhelming bond and admiration for the woman that just blistered my behind. Her strength and authority are a huge turn on to me but the spanking itself was very effective. I will try to avoid it in the future and instead opt for the sexual foreplay variety!


   Miss Lisa (often referred to by me as "L") became very good at differentiating between these two types of spanking. Sometimes she would summon me before her and trick me into thinking I was going to be punished (she found my nervous reactions to her authority to be sexually arousing) and then deliver a sexual spanking followed by release. In the video below (picture from this appeared in the last post), she administers this type of spanking. I believed I was going to be very soundly spanked over her knee for a misbehavior but it became clear not long into it that this was a sexual spanking administered in a role-play atmosphere although I didn't know my role prior to the spanking! You can see what I mean in this clip as the spanking is pretty hard at times and the pace is fast but, unlike a punishment spanking, she pauses to stroke, caress and excite. It is also administered with just her hand which was no walk in the park I assure you but, a dose of that followed by a hairbrush, paddle, wooden spoon, belt or any other implement could be an excruciating punishment especially since I never knew how long she would spank.


   Even in this example of a sexual spanking she maintains her "authority" as she switches between intense pain and erotic stimulation. Spanks to my anus and erect cock are followed by sensual strokes, masturbation and stimulating traces of her fingernails on my spanked bare cheeks. My underpants were slowly lowered to my ankles (which can be humiliating in itself) and eventually removed exposing me completely. In future posts I will discuss Miss Lisa in more detail, it was an interesting story of female authority.